Acceleration in Parallel
by sqbr
Summary: Joker and EDI, Traynor and Shepard, traveling in different directions towards the same destination. Joker/EDI, Traynor/Shepard sequel to "Bodies in Motion".
1. Chapter 1

Samantha really, truly hadn't meant to seduce her commanding officer. She especially hadn't meant to seduce her _three days_ after her boyfriend died. Tragically. After giving up his life to protect her, and then sending her a posthumous message so touching that Shepard had spent the next hour sniffling and alternating between smiling sentimentally and barely holding herself back from sobbing into her desk.

I mean, who does that sort of thing? (Apart from Samantha herself, that is. Apparently)

All Samantha had meant to do was offer Commander Shepard some _entirely platonic_ comfort during a difficult time, in the form of a game of chess. A _fully clothed_ game of chess. Really!

Unfortunately (or perhaps, fortunately) things with Commander Shepard never quite went according to plan.

Jeff had had every intention of seducing EDI. Or at least, hitting on her, he still wasn't entirely convinced that there was any way to combine her metal body with his brittle bones in a way that didn't end up with him in a private room at Heurta Memorial. But dating? Dating he was willing to give a try. They were all probably going to die soon anyway. He'd blame it on Shepard's advice, but it's not like hadn't known that she was going to tell him to go for it, that's the kind of person Shepard was.

So he went for it. The hard part was getting EDI to notice.

"Hey," he said, dancing up towards her slowly. This was made easier by the way she stood absolutely stock still, despite the dance floor beneath their feet vibrating with music. "You look amazing." She really did, the bright coloured lights reflected off her silvery skin like fireworks over water.

"Thank you, Jeff," she replied. "But I thought you avoided dancing because of the chance of injury."

"Usually, sure," he said. "But I was talking to Shepard, and she asked me: what would I regret if I died tomorrow? And I thought: not going up and dancing with EDI. So here I am."

"I see."

He thought about bumping his hip against hers or doing something else equally suggestive, but past experience had proven that such manoeuvres only led to broken bones and crying prom dates.

He shouted over the music. "You know dancing _with_ you would be easier if you were dancing too."

"I am not programmed to dance," she said. "It requires an aesthetic appreciation of music that lies beyond my capabilities."

"Really? Wow. Sometimes I forget how different your mind is from a human's."

"There are humans who do not enjoy music," she said. "Although they are admittedly rare."

"Well this human..." He thought about trying to teach her to dance, but it all seemed like too much effort. Why was he trying to be subtle, anyway? This was _EDI_.

He moved closer and spoke into her ear (or what passed for one) "I know you have trouble interpreting social cues sometimes. So what I'm doing right now? Is I'm hitting on you."

She turned to face him.

"I see," she said.

"Is that all you have to..." She grabbed his hand.

"Your ploy has had the desired outcome," she said. "I have been successfully courted. Shall we go somewhere private?"


	2. Chapter 2

Samantha had never intended to meet Shepard's boyfriend. Whenever she visited the Citadel she avoided going anywhere remotely near the hospital. The thought of bumping into Thane and Shepard being affectionate made her feel depressed, and then she felt silly for letting it bother her. Being infatuated with your CO was _such_ a cliche.

Except of course then she _had_ to offer to do some odd jobs for Shepard on the Citadel.

"Thank you so much, human," wheezed the volus diplomat. "This data will be...most useful. If it's not too much trouble, could you pass it on to Doctor Sinclair at Huerta Memorial?" She stopped to take a breath and Samantha tried to think of a good reason to say no. "Ze is the head of the volus department and I'm sure ze would find it just as useful."

"Happy to help," said Samantha, and tried not to sigh audibly.

As she wandered about the hospital trying to figure out where Dr Sinclair was, Samantha comforted herself by remembering that the odds of bumping into one drell in a building of this size were incredibly small. Once she gave up trying to find Dr Sinclair by herself and joined the long line at the front desk Samantha kept herself busy by trying to calculate the exact probability of meeting Thane, just to prove to herself how small it was. She'd just come up with a decent estimate for the population of the hospital when she noticed a green figure standing by the window, looking out into the gardens below. Was that...yes, of course, it was a drell. With a nasty cough, no less.

She tried really hard to avoid staring, though she couldn't help but take little sneaking looks every now and then, the line was _very_ slow. He was...kind of funny looking, and that wasn't just jealous bias talking. Then again Samantha had never really seen the appeal of human men, so perhaps it was no surprise that she couldn't see the appeal of a male alien either.

Once she'd finally found Doctor Sinclair and discussed the data Samantha was determined to walk through the main lobby quickly without staring, but she couldn't help looking over to the window to see if the drell was still there. He wasn't.

"Hello," said a gravelly voice from behind her.

It took _extreme self control_ to stop herself from squeaking. "Hello," she said, turning. The drell was standing over her with a thin smile and Samantha felt like a small mouse about to be eaten by a cobra.

"I couldn't help but notice you staring at me earlier," he said. "I hope you weren't planning on trying to do me an injury. It would not end well for you."

"Why would I try to..." Oh. He was an ex assassin, of course he'd notice her and think she was up to something. Brilliant move, Traynor.

"I swear, I don't mean you any harm," she said, quickly. "And I apologise for staring, that was incredibly rude. I was trying to figure out if you're someone I know. Well, not someone I know personally, someone I've heard about. From a friend. Boss. My commanding officer. I'm on the Normandy."

"Ah!" he said, his expression suddenly looking much less menacing. "You know Commander Shepard. And she has spoken of me to you." He gave a small private smile and Samantha felt like _such_ a creeper.

"Oh yes, all the time," she said. "She thinks you're brilliant."

He smiled again and held out his hand. It was green and covered in scales and only had three fingers, but it felt warm and solid when she shook it. "Thane Krios," he said. "Although I am known here by another name."

"Samantha Traynor," she replied. "Comm Specialist for the Normandy. And I'm...usually just known as Samantha Traynor, unless I'm trying to assassinate people. Then I'm known as _Specialist_ Traynor."

She worried that Thane would take it the wrong way and maybe threaten to kill her again, but he chuckled, a wet sound like a babbling brook.

"Shepard has spoken of you, Specialist Traynor," he said. "It is good to meet you at last. Come, if you have the time please sit and talk to me about her. My Siha always says that she is fine, but I worry that she finds the responsibility she holds straining." They had pet names for each other? Of course they did.

"I..." Was she really going to ignore the request of a dying man? Samantha sat. "I worry too, to be honest," she said. "I know I would crack if the entire fate of the galaxy depended on me. But I think she's coping about as well as could be expected. She gets a little down sometimes, but we all do."

"Well I am glad to hear that she has friends like you to support her on the Normandy," he said. "It is difficult to always be so far away."

"I'm sure it is," said Samantha.

"Do you know if she has taken a lover?"

Samantha coughed. "I, uh...I'm not really comfortable..." she began.

"You're right, that was far too invasive, I apologise. I should not let the inconvenience of my condition make me grow too impatient for decency." He blinked, his round black eyes briefly going white. "My Siha has a lot of love to give, you see," he said. "When I was on the Normandy I selfishly asked her to bind herself only to me, but now that I am here and my time is done I see that it is wrong to cling to such petty possessiveness. I do not like to think that she is holding herself to some unnecessary ideal of fidelity for my sake."

Suddenly Samantha was glad she'd come here after all. Maybe she _wasn't_ such a hopeless creeper.

"I'm sure you know of her past with Major Alenko," continued Thane. Which she did, although she'd perhaps optimistically assumed that the relationship was dead and buried. "He is a good man, and very fond of her, but also possessive, perhaps even more so than myself. I fear that I have jeopardised their future relationship with my presence, first on the Normandy and then here in this hospital. I would not like her to be lonely when I am gone."

"No," said Samantha. "Neither would I."

He put his hand on hers. "I am glad to hear it," he said. "Please be there for her when the time comes. She will be in need of a friend."

Wow this guy was morbid. Charming, but _morbid_.

"But that is enough of such dreary topics," he said. "I have not given you the chance to tell me anything about yourself. How did you come to be aboard the Normandy, Specialist Traynor?"

Ok maybe he was just charming. It was probably hard not to be a little morbid when you were about to die. "Well," said Samantha, "It's actually kind of a funny story..."

Jeff had tried _really hard_ to get EDI a girlfriend. Or boyfriend, or whatever, but there seemed to be more promising prospects for the former.

He walked all the way down to the the mess hall (which took forever. This ship was way bigger than it had any need to be) and waited until Traynor came off shift before taking her aside to somewhere a little more quiet.

"How would you feel about having sex with EDI?" he asked.

"With _EDI_?" she said. "Why would you...can she even _have_ sex?"

"Apparently," said Jeff. "Those Cerberus scientists are pretty sick bastards."

"Unlike you," said Traynor, backing away slightly.

"Hey, I'm just trying to do her a favour!" he said. "She said she wants to try out her...you know, equipment, and I know you find her attractive, so I thought...why not?" Admittedly, EDI had never actually expressed any attraction to Traynor, and Jeff didn't really understand how physical attraction could work for a being with no hormones whose physical form mostly consisted of large boxy computers. But if EDI was attracted to Jeff there was no way she wouldn't be attracted to Traynor, the woman was hot.

"Because...she's an _AI_," said Traynor. "And _made of metal_. And...and I shouldn't even need to explain this! You are...you are _impossible_, Joker."

"So that's a no then."

"That's a no. And going up to women and trying to procure their services for your robot copilot is...rather unpleasant. If EDI really does want to find a sexual partner, she should do it herself."

"...yeah, you're right. It is pretty gross isn't it? Sorry about that," he said. "But...you shouldn't rule her out completely just because she's an AI. I mean, EDI's great, she's funny and clever, and..." Traynor's brows knitted in disapproval. Seriously, what was her problem? You'd have to be a fool not to want to get together with EDI. People were so prejudiced against artificial intelligences, it was no wonder the geth had revolted. "And I'll stop talking now."

"Good idea," said Traynor.

"Would it be less creepy if I got you to ask Dr T'soni for me?"

"_Goodbye_ Joker," said Traynor, and took her dinner off towards the crew quarters. Geeze, some people were so _touchy_.


	3. Chapter 3

And again, Samantha really hadn't intended to start anything.

Inviting herself up to Shepard's cabin? Totally innocent. Just an opportunity to play chess. Any flirtatious tone she may have taken was merely...friendliness. Shepard was flirtatious with everyone, after all, it didn't have to mean anything.

Admiring Shepard's shower? Being a polite guest! She certainly hadn't expected Shepard to offer to let her use it or to give her such a significant look when she did so. (God Shepard's voice was sexy when it slipped into that seductive tone. Samantha normally found that sort of thing cheezy, but when Shepard did it she melted into a puddle of goo)

Leaving the shower door open? ...ok, there was no innocent explanation for that. If Shepard had freaked out and asked her to shut it Samantha had been planning to claim that she'd merely forgotten, but that would have been a bald faced lie.

And once Shepard joined her in the shower, well...what was Samantha going to do, kick her out?

Even if Shepard's zip _was_ digging into her chest.

"Do you normally shower with your clothes on?" she asked.

"No," said Shepard, pulling back slightly, though she still had her hands held very tightly around Samantha's back. It felt _amazing_, and there was something truly beautiful about the way Shepard's face looked in the water and steam, her clear brown eyes focused so intently on Samantha and Samantha alone. "I don't normally shower with attractive scientists, either."

Samantha pulled down Shepard's zipper and started to remove her hoodie. "Well you should, we're very conveni...ooh!" Shepard had shifted her hands. She chuckled into Samantha's shoulder, and then kissed it.

"Ahh...wait a second. You're getting ahead of me," said Samantha, a little breathless. "I've been wanting to see you naked for...well, for as long as I've known you."

"Really?" asked Shepard, her seductive tone replaced by one of surprise.

"Surely you know how gorgeous you are," said Samantha.

Shepard shrugged, humility warring with natural self confidence and muscular grace. "I don't know, I didn't think..." Her hands stilled, and she rested her head on Samantha's shoulder with a sigh.

She kissed Samantha's shoulder again, with more chaste affection than passion this time, and then lifted her head before taking a small step back. "I have got to stop doing this," she said.

"Showering with your clothes on?"

"Seducing my subordinates," she said. "It isn't right. I'm sorry, with Thane's death and the Reapers...I just wanted some comfort. But you deserve better than this."

"You deserve some comfort," said Samantha. "Shepard, the world is ending, the galaxy is on fire and you're at the centre of it all, holding everyone together. This doesn't have to mean anything if you don't want it to." God that hurt to say. She really didn't want this to be a one time thing. But if it was that or nothing, she'd take it, and she'd go back to organising Shepard's messages like nothing had happened.

"I think at this point you can call me Gina," she said, brushing her hand gently across Samantha's cheek, water running down her hands onto Samantha's chest. "And what if I want it to mean something? I care about you, Samantha, but I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything because of who I am."

Samantha leaned closer, and slipped her hand under Gina's shirt to touch her stomach, she could feel Gina's pulse hot and fast under her fingers. "It's not Commander Shepard, saviour of the galaxy I want," she said. "It's _you_." She stood forward to kiss her. Gina hesitated for a moment and then kissed her back, gently at first and then with more urgency, the sensation of lips and teeth and tongue and the ever shifting touch of her hands drowning out the constant drumming of the shower against Samantha's skin.

"Mmm..." said Gina happily, moving to kiss a line down Samantha's neck. "_Samantha_," she said. "I..." She let out a quiet sob, and rested her head against Samantha again, her arms tightening around her like Samantha was the only thing keeping her from drowning.

Samantha's brain finally made some headway against her libido (which had been largely calling the shots for most of the evening) and she felt terrible. She was pretty sure that this was not what Thane had meant by _being there_ for Gina after he passed. She ran her hand comfortingly over the back of Gina's head. Even in the shower Gina's distinctive tight bun had kept her hair neat and contained, but this close she could feel a few loose curling hairs rubbing roughly against her skin. "Shh..." she said. "It's alright. We can stop if you like, I"m here for you, whatever you need."

Gina sobbed again. "We should stop," she said, her voice wobbly. "It's wasting water."

Samantha gave a short laugh. "You're absolutely right," she said. She turned off the shower, and pulled Gina into a hug, giving her a kiss on the cheek. She then straightened her up and gave her a comforting smile. Gina smiled back, looking embarrassed to have been caught in a moment of weakness. "Let's get you out of those wet clothes," said Samantha. Gina gave her a smile at once sad, knowing, and amused. "Oh yes, let's," she said.

The warm air of the shower's dry cycle made Gina's loosened hair puff out like a dandelion, she looked totally different from her usual contained, professional self. The fact that she was naked made a bit of a difference too. She was everything Samantha had imagined, strong and curvaceous and beautiful, dark brown skin and strong features and the gentle rolling musculature of a soldier seasoned by war. Not that she'd been stalking her commanding officer like a pathetic fangirl or anything, but Samantha knew from her bio that she was trans, and a small part of her had been worried that it might somehow be off-putting. But Samantha wouldn't change a thing about Gina, it was taking every ounce of her self control not to launch herself across the tiles like a hungry varren.

Instead she took Gina's hand and squeezed it. "What do you want?" she asked.

Gina looked across at her, her eyes sad and sincere. "You," she said.

Joker really, _really_ wanted to start something with EDI, but it was proving more difficult than he'd expected.

The walk from Purgatory back to the Normandy had been great. She'd slipped her arm around him in a way that managed to be both affectionate and supportive, making it much easier for him to walk without feeling the weight of his body pushing against the bones in his legs.

"You don't have to do that," he said.

"But I like it," she said. "And my motivation for helping you is not entirely selfless. The more energy you spend on walking, the less energy you will have available later."

"...good point," he'd said, and let her continue half carrying him towards the ship. She carried around the whole crew on the Normandy, so it wasn't that weird. Or at least, not that much weirder. And now she really _was_ his personal mobility mech.

He had his arm around her as well, it was...god it felt good to hold someone again. Her skin was smooth, much smoother than human skin, but much more supple and warm than the casing on a normal mech. He moved his fingers in small circles on her waist. "Can you feel that?" he asked.

"Yes," she said.

"Do you like it?"

She turned and smiled. "Yes."

As they reached the docking bay she asked "Given your previously stated restrictions on a sexual relationship, does this behaviour indicate that you now consider us to be dating?"

"...yeah," he said. "If you want."

"Very much so," she replied. "And am I to take it then that you are willing to admit to having romantic feelings for me?"

He waited until a family of turians had passed before admitting "God yes. I mean, I probably shouldn't, but I do. What about you? Do you have...romantic feelings for me? Do you even _do_ feelings?" Oh man, this was terrifying. Jeff really, _really_ didn't like feeling this emotionally vulnerable. It was like being thirteen all over again and waiting for the girl to laugh and say she'd only dated him on a dare.

"I have strong preferences," said EDI. "I believe they are roughly equivalent. And I have a very strong preference for your company. As I discovered during your last relationship, I do not enjoy having to share it."

"Whoa, really? Ha! I always got the feeling you didn't like Rebecca. I just thought you thought she was wrong for me."

"I did think she was wrong for you," said EDI. "But I was glad of it."

Why had he not wanted to do this again? It was taking far too long to get her alone.

It was only when he did get her alone, the two of them walking past some surprised looking squadmates to Jeff's quarters, that things started to get awkward.

He sat on the bed and smiled up at her. "So," he said, taking off his hat and putting it on the bedside table.

"So," she replied. "I think I should start with your feet."

"My feet? Uh, EDI, I'm not really into that sort of thing."

"The aim is not primarily sexual gratification, Jeff," she said. "I merely wish to experiment with your skeleton's tensile strength on an expendable part of your anatomy."

"My feet are not expendable!" he said, flinching instinctively and shuffling away from her.

"I was not planning on damaging them permanently," said EDI, moving closer to compensate. "But one of my core directives is the safety and efficiency of the Normandy's crew. You do not need your feet to fly the ship, so compared to the rest of you they are expendable. While any injury to you would be unfortunate, it would be especially unfortunate if I were to, for example, incapacitate your hands when you were needed for combat. Or worse, inadvertently break your neck."

"Can't you just...work within generous safety limits?" he said. "I'd like to actually _enjoy_ myself instead of being subject to painful experiments. If that's alright with you."

"If you would prefer," said EDI, still standing stiffly looking down at him. "What would you enjoy?"

He tugged her hand. "First, come sit next to me," he said. She did, and put her hand on his knee. "Since you've never done any of this before we should probably start with something simple, like kissing." He stopped and looked at her. "...I really don't want to think about how old you are, do I?"

"Do not worry about the legal ramifications, Jeff," said EDI. "As an artificial intelligence, I am except from all laws relating to statutory..." He silenced her by putting a finger on her lips. "Shhh," he said. "Before you kill my boner completely."

She leaned forward and gave the sexiest smug smile, before sliding her hand towards his crotch. "The evidence would appear to contradict that possibility," she said in a low voice.

"_Kissing_," he repeated, moving her hand back towards his knee with some regret.

She sat and looked at him expectantly. He started to move in, tilting his head, and she tilted her head at a matching angle. Their lips touched and it was...nice. Just like kissing a regular girl, they were too close for him to be able to see that her lips were grey instead of pink. He moved back slightly and reached up his hand to touch her hair, and was reminded that it wasn't so much hair as a helmet.

Noticing his hesitation, EDI shook her head minutely and suddenly the helmet had become thousands of fine black strands, feeling almost exactly like human hair against his fingers. "Do you prefer it like this?" she asked.

"I don't know," he said. "It's nice, but it isn't you."

"Remove your fingers," she commanded. The hair became a single smooth piece of metal again. Joker put his hand back. Yes, weird as it felt, this was _EDI_. She moved her own hand up to touch his hair. He leaned back to kiss her again, this time opening his lips slightly. She opened her lips too. It was only after he'd spent a while carefully exploring the terrain of her very human seeming mouth with his tongue and enjoying her exploring his own that he realised what she was doing.

"EDI," he said. "You can't just copy what I'm doing. It takes the fun out of it."

"Are you not having fun?" she said, sounding disappointed. "I was quite enjoying the experience. It appeared to me that you were as well."

"I was," he said. "But I don't like the idea that you're just...passively copying me. Sex is supposed to be about give and take, both of us doing what we're drawn to do, not just...following some rule book or reacting to what we think the other person wants. At least, that's the sort of sex I want to have with you. What do _you_ feel like doing?"

"Experimenting on your feet."

"Other than that."

She considered him, her hand still gently cradled around his head. She slowly moved it around his head, rubbing the tips of her fingers through his stubble and across his lips. She moved her other hand towards his eyes and he closed them, feeling her gently exploring his ears, and the edge of his neck, before starting to tug on the closure of his jacket. "I want to touch you," she said. "Everywhere. Is that acceptable?"

And who was he to say no to that?


	4. Chapter 4

Normally the elevators were fairly quiet at this time of day, so Samantha was surprised to hear the door ding open only one deck down from where she'd entered.

"Hello Joker," she said, trying to act natural.

"Hey, Traynor," he said, clearly distracted. Good. There were some things she wasn't quite ready to discuss with anyone else right now, let alone someone so tactlessly blunt. Joker slumped against the wall of the elevator, a dippy smile on his face despite the tension in his hunchbacked pose. Samantha was reminded of just how sick he was, it was easy to forget when you mainly only saw him in his chair. And was that a rash on his neck? It was that or a hickey in the shape of a perfect circle.

As the elevator opened onto the crew deck and Traynor was about to make her getaway he looked up at her and said "Wait a second. What were doing at the CIC on an elevator going _down_?"

"I was...uh meeting with Gi...Commander Shepard in her quarters," she said. People met with Gina in her quarters all the time, nothing suspicious about that right?

"Really?" he said, a knowing smile slowly growing across his face.

"Um. Yes," said Samantha. She was the world's worst liar, she couldn't even manage a decent redirect. Good thing she never went into espionage.

Joker laughed and leaned against the wall. "Oh my god you hussy! You slept with Shepard, didn't you?"

"Shhhh," said Samantha, as another crew member walked past.

"Hey, I'm not judging," he said, lowering his voice. "Good for you. Love is a wonderful thing, in all it's forms."

"Yes," said Samantha, trying not to grin too broadly, "It is. I'm surprised at you saying that though...oh!" She laughed. "You have been bizarrely prone to smiling recently. Have you found someone as well?"

"You might say that," he said with a sly smile.

"Don't tell EDI," said Samantha, "I'm sure she'll be..." Joker coughed. "Oh Joker, you didn't. She's an AI!"

"Oh Traynor you didn't," he said mimicking her tone. "She's your commanding officer!"

Samantha frowned at him and then gave a nervous, relieved giggle. "We are the worst aren't we?"

"The absolute worst," said Joker, smiling. "Terrible relationship decisions high five?"

She laughed. "Absolutely." And then they both went on their way.


End file.
